when do you say something to his ex? when don't you? How do you reach out to her son when her son doesn't live with you? I feel like if I reach out to her son that the crazy ex may start sending messages of ';love'; from her son to my fiance and all that crap.
suggestions?How did you make your relationship work DURING the child support drama with the ex?
Give the kid mo money to take back to the ex and you will be like the best step mom in the world.How did you make your relationship work DURING the child support drama with the ex?
First, I didn't let child support drive me nuts. It's there for a reason and if you can't let it go, it will be a BIG issue. Generally, a parent will use the money in a way that benefits the kids and since the guy has no control over how it gets spent, it's better to assume it gets spent with responsibility. Why worry about something you really don't have control over? You don't have a to have a relationship with his ex and often it is better if you don't. Be nice but you will never be friends. She's an ex for a good reason.
My ex skipped a couple of child support payments. I found his *** and he paid up. I didn't bother with his woman, my beef was with him. Now, if his woamn had tried to get involved and tell me something, I would of tore her *** up too.
Don't get involved in what's going on. It's not your responsibility to judge how much money she needs to be getting from the father. That is set by the court and is based on both their incomes. Your job is to be as nice as possible to both of them. Be friendly and welcoming to his child. Make him feel at home when he's with you. Be friends, but also set limits for his behavior in your home (dad needs to do this, not you). Also, give him plenty of space and time alone with his dad. Nothing builds resentment faster in a child than always having to share their parent with the new spouse.
First, you have to have a very solid foundation, because you are in for the ride of your life. Chances are that it will always be this way, until the child is 18.
What is my consolation in the madness of the (Family Law condoned) mo' money syndrome, the fact that she can bleed us dry, and our family has the one thing she'll never have....peace, harmony and happiness.
She will probably always interfere with any efforts you make to reach out to her son, and will probably even encourage him to disrespect you and your rules in your own home. THIS is when you speak up. But ideally, your significant other should be the first one to set those boundaries.
If it's anything in a court of law, let the attorney speak for your family.
The best of luck to you and yours.
You seem to be equating money with happiness. It is nothing to do with you how much your boyfriend pays his ex wife to maintain their child nor for you to intervene by 'reaching' out to a child with whom you obviously have little or no relationship. You are not his step mother and as yet, it is none of your business. Access %26amp; finances are for them to decide possibly with the help of a Court.
I hold absolutely no resentment that my husband and I pay substantial maintenance to his first wife as well as having custody of the children whom we obviously love %26amp; support %26amp; for whom we pay school and university fees. I love the children, I love him and accepting the financial arrangements that go with that is part of the deal.
You are jealous of his previous relationship and his child (who of course will want to send messages of love to his dad!) and you need to be a lot more mature before you go any further with this relationship.
That's a tough situation and from my experience it doesn't ever get easier! You will just have to decide to accept it and deal with it if the guy is worth it. I wouldn't say anything to the ex without your fiance knowing first....you don't want to end up fighting with him. You should try to reach out to the son and encourage his dad to be a big part in his life too. You can't just not bond with him because you don't want your fiance's ex to send him messages of love through the child. If he wanted to be with her he would but he's with you so no matter what she relays through the child it wouldn't make him want her back.
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